Scapegoating is actually an indication that someone is very fragile. Handle with care.


Why scapegoat?

1. Cover up/deny their own difficulties and/or flaws. Rather than accepting responsibility for themselves, they decide you’re responsible.

2. Identify as victims rather than owning a sense of agency for themselves.

3. Fear being vulnerable. Fear that other people will see their difficulties.

4. Fear people will judge or mock them. It’s the scapegoat’s fault, not mine.

5. Want to be adored and admired, to be beyond reproach. Scapegoating is how they compensate for and deflect potential embarrassment or shame.

6. Need to be the authority. Scapegoating rejects the notion that our long-term influence with one another is when we’re able to identify with each other’s shared humanity — recognizing compassionately that we’re all only human, we all make mistakes and we’re fellow sojourners.

What scapegoating looks/feels like —
– assigning blame for things you’ve not done
– you don’t measure up so you’re cast out
– inability and/or unwillingness to listen — conveys you’re not worthy of listening to
– avoidance of you
– clinging to contempt and disdain towards you – anger’s a natural distancer
– nitpicking, criticizing, focusing on your faults/mistakes, real and/or imagined, rather than looking internally
– smear campaigns, ridiculing you behind your back, gossiping
– boomerang communication — the problem is you, not them

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/blameless-burden-scapegoating-in-dysfunctional-families-0130174